


Honey I Lost the Kids and They Ended Up Murdering Three Guys: The Musical

by A_Really_Sad_Bear



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: And Grisha's an irresponsible dad, Attempt at Humor, But it's ok he can take it, But they're all one big happy family, Carla's a little psychotic, Eren's awfully cute for a murderer, Gen, Grisha gets thrashed, Poetry, Prose Poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 07:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9375131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Really_Sad_Bear/pseuds/A_Really_Sad_Bear
Summary: Grisha left for the Ackerman houseWith his son and a case of medical supplies.When he gets back he'll be crushed like a mouseBecause his wife is in for a very nasty surprise.Or:A short poem about what happens when Grisha is forced to tell Carla that their son just murdered two guys and coerced a little girl to help him kill the third shortly before he adopted said little girl and brought her back to live with them as one big happy murderous family.Needless to say, it doesn't go well for him.





	

Carla sits and stares in shock

As Grisha lets out a little sigh.

He balks when he glances up at the clock

Nine in the morning's too early to die.

 

"So they killed them?" She asks,

"And all by themselves?" 

Grisha just nods- in the sunlight he basks

But then Carla throws him into the shelves.

 

"You're an idiot!" She screams,

"How did they even manage that?" 

"It's not what it seems-"

But she just claws at him like a cat.

 

She drags him into the kitchen,

And he starts begging for his life.

But she's oblivious to his bitchin',

As she grabs the cooking knife. 

 

"Now hold on," Grisha cries, 

"It wasn't even my fault!" 

Carla punches him in the eyes,

And on the cuts she pours salt. 

 

"You let a child fight a man!" Carla yells,

And Grisha tries to explain.

But all she can hear are funeral bells,

Because this little shit's in for a world of pain. 

 

She throws him onto the street,

And clobbers him with a book.

And she's not even being discrete,

When she impales his nose on a fishhook. 

 

She lets him run away for now,

Because beating him up is quite taxing. 

The house is quite neat even after their row,

And she finally starts relaxing.

 

"Ah well" she decides,

"It was an honest mistake."

Maybe she'll forgive him; besides, 

She can always just burn him at the stake. 

 

"Mama" says Eren, coming into the room,

"How come daddy's not here?" 

Carla just smiles, puts away the broom,

Says "He just went out for a beer!" 

 

Eren smiles and she tucks him into bed,

And he goes to bed next to Mikasa.

And as she plants a goodnight kiss on his head,

She wonders if she should've used a crowbar. 

 

\- The End - 

N.B: Grisha Jaeger has an extremely high tolerance and as a Titan Shifter can recover from almost any wound he's been dealt. The following morning, he returns home and embraces his wife, and their happy life continues.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I hope you enjoyed that- this is the first thing I've ever written for anything outside of work. 
> 
> If this isn't as terrible as I think it is then I may even become a regular author here. :) 
> 
> Anyway, I'd always wanted to see her reaction when Grisha comes home, hands her another child to raise and tells her all about how the two kids just butchered three men.
> 
> -Bear


End file.
